Well, hello there! I’m Alex. My life could be considered normal as an outsider looking in, but it isn’t always as easy and put together as it might seem…
**Note: names and locations have been changed to protect the guilty 😉
SO LET’S START FROM
I was born in Dallas, Texas. I was the first of 2 girls with a separation of 4 years (almost to the day) between us. Although my dad has always said that he didn’t need a boy, I can tell you that he raised both my sister and I to be tom boys and at least not turn up our nose to getting down and dirty when needed. We were raised to be strong and confident while challenging everyone in our path who thought we weren’t good enough.
At least that is what our family says. As my sister and I have gotten older and we now reflect back on our lives, we were both hurting desperately inside. We both put on a brave face, so that no one would know, but we both struggled from depression, anxiety and other stresses that continued to fester as we got older.
I love my family with my whole heart and I will tell you right now, before I move any further that everyone did the right thing! My parent’s did the best they could with what they were provided. They both came from very low income households and lived very modestly. They both pursued their careers with passion that showed my sister and I that we can achieve anything we put our minds to. They definitely overcame the hurdles that were laid in their path from their childhood and upbringing, since they are happily retired on a beach front house in Florida by 55 years old.
However, just like my parent’s took what they learned from their childhood and made sure that my sister and I didn’t deal with the same challenges, I am now learning lessons from my childhood that I am adjusting as I grow my family.
The biggest change that I am making is to increase positivity. My parent’s showed us with their own actions what you can achieve if you work hard enough. But they weren’t always the best when we were younger at communicating and congratulating when necessary. Although my sister and I grew up in the “participation trophy” generation, we had parent’s who expected more from us. If we got a 96 on a test, the response was “why didn’t you get a 100?” To some, this is a logical thought and a type of learning experience so that you can learn from your mistakes and get a 100 on the next test. However, to a 10 year old who constantly hears comments such as this, you start to wonder if you will ever be good enough and whether your parents will ever be proud of you.
What you don’t understand as a 10 year old little girl, is that it isn’t your parent’s responsibility to give you self-worth. It is yours and yours alone! And as long as you can believe that you did the best that you could and tried as hard as you could, then you should be proud of your accomplishments no matter what anyone else – including your parents – says.
I struggled with this self-worth throughout high school, college and throughout my 20s. Now that I am in my 30s, I logically understand the difference, but struggle to still implement the emotional changes needed to believe in myself without action on a daily basis.
Stick around within the My Journey category to learn about the intimate details of who I am, where I came from, who I married and all the struggles that nobody talks about. I hope that my story will provide enlightenment to at least one other person in this world.